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Well I'm back!

We moved into our new house the first weekend of October and the internet didn't get set up until last night.

I don't blog from work, because well...it's work.

So I've been offline because I've been really stressed out, and here's why:

I've been:

Dealing with crappy new neighbors.

Can you believe I moved next door to psycho hippies?!  We wanted to replace the wrought iron fence because we have dogs and the neighbors beside us have kids they babysit, and the ones behind have grandkids.

Kids poke at dogs.

Dogs get pissed and bite.

I don't want to be sued - even though the little bastards would deserve it.

So I thought I was being a good neighbor - informing and getting buy in from them.

She said o.k. - replace the fence, but let's double check with my husband.

Reasonable.

I checked - he said go ahead.

Then I get the fence guy out and she comes over and says - I changed my mind.

Why did she change her mind do you ask?

1.  She was attached to the wisteria growing on the fence that encroached into my yard about 3 feet.
2.  She said she liked to see into my yard so she could pretend that it was part of hers because she was - and I quote - "a country girl".
3.  She thought being able to see straight into my house would ensure our home's security because she could report anything unusual.

Can you say really nosey neighbor?!

I said, hmmm - well I need to tell you the fence is going up.  Regardless.

Because:

1.  I have very large dogs and you have kids over.
2.  I find it really creepy that you want to see into my home (at which point she said if we didn't want her to see anything we could just pull the blinds - WTF?!  Really?!)
3.  When I walk around the house nude she didn't need to see.
4.  When I have sex with my husband - she didn't need to watch.

She responded - well let me talk to my husband...

You do that honey...

So I went back a few days later - The husband said yes go ahead and replace the fence (btw we were doing this at our cost - NOT asking them to split it).

And I told him the Jasmine on the fence was dying so we were going to cut it back.  He said OK.

Our landscaper - who also put in our fence was there for the conversation.

So he cuts back the Jasmine, and I leave to go out with my husband.

Then I get a phone call - the husband was freaking out about the Jasmine...because his wife flipped her lid over it.

Really?!  Seriously?!  It's a fucking weed.  The shit is growing back as I speak.

But not for long I'm killing that shit.

The next day (Monday) the fence guy meets me at the house so I can pay him and he's going to start the fence job.  I pay him, discuss the fence and leave.

No sooner do I leave then he calls me and tells me the neighbors came out telling them to stop.  Seriously?!  ARGH!!!

So I calle a lawyer.  Fuck being nice.  Look where it got me.

He said if I went ahead I would win in a lawsuit because they said yes, I relied on it, paid the contractor, and he had started work when they stopped him.

So...They took down the fence - the neighbor yelled at me.  And we don't talk to them.

Simple.

I'm still waiting for papers to be served to me since she was so pissed about the fence and the removal of her weeds.

I guess she'll think twice before giving permission again.

Packing:

I had to pack in 5 days because I decided to move sooner than originally planned - because going back and forth between houses was making me freak out.

Packing really is a pain when you do it yourself.  Really it is.

Home Chores:

Dealing with foundation guy.
Dealing with the electrician - who by the way still isn't finished.  We have light fixtures hanging by wires, rooms with no working outlets etc...
Fencing - need I say more.
Painting - the ceiling is finished in the middle of the house, one wall is painted, two are partially painted, and one room is fully prepped.

Painting is a pain - but expensive to have someone else do so I'm doing it myself.

The actual move.  It's painful no matter how you do it.  Unless of course you have more money than God and you can hire someone to both pack and unpack everything for you so you just have to go on holiday and come back to a perfectly unpacked home.

Wouldn't that be nice?

The unpacking.

Which is not even close to being finished.

I've also been dealing with:

Katie - she's off to boarding school because I decided I didn't have enough experience to deal with her leash aggression.  According to the trainer she's making good progress.

YEAH!!!

And as far as dealing with stress, here's something good...

I've been...

Jogging!!!

Can you believe it?!

A friend and I started walking Memorial Park about 2 months ago and our time has gone from:

1 hour - at a very leisurely pace to 42 minutes where we are jogging and briskly walking.

The loop is 3 miles which means I've been doing less than 15 minute miles.

I'm pretty impressed with myself.

Go me!  According to Joel...I, or rather we, are GODDESSES!!!

I can roll with that.

Well now that I've kinda caught you up on my life - future posts should me more prolific.

And S.  If you read this send me your story.

I want to read it!

Ciao!

God is talking to our politicians. Wow!

God is apparently talking to American politicians in Washington.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/bachmann-claims-hurricane-earthquake-were-god-messages-politicians-155051199.html

And apparently he's angry about their fiscal irresponsibility.

So he sent the winds and rains in the form of a hurricane.

Then he still wasn't happy so he rumbled in disgust and caused an earthquake.

And the words that were coming out of his mouth were apparently these:

'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now.'

Wow.

God is really sticking up for us Americans.

And he really likes to talk to Michele Bachmann apparently.

He speaks to her before votes.

He spoke to her before she got married.

And he's speaking to her now.

I find this incredible.

And not in a good way.

I cannot believe a person who has talked so openly about talking to God was able to be considered for President.

Let's forget for a second that in America we have SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE.

This women needs meds.

Serious meds.

She's hearing voices people.

She's having visions.

In most people this would be a sign to go to the doctor and have tests.

I don't understand why no one is putting her on a 72 hour hold.

Can you help me understand?

Bert and Ernie, Sex, and Sesame Street

I saw an article this morning that was talking about how some guy had started a petition, which about 5,500 people had signed, to say Bert and Ernie are gay and should get married on Sesame Street.

http://www.wmal.com/article.asp?id=2258901&SPID=28718

W.T.F?!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Can't we just leave one thing alone?  Can't children have just one thing that has no underlying meaning other than play nice with one another?

Do we have to bring sex into Sesame Street?!

Can't I have one thing from MY childhood that is still the same, fun loving, sweet thing that is was?

Must you taint everything with sexual meanings, political leanings, and your adult crap?

Can't Bert and Ernie just be? 

Seriously what 4 year old is going to look at them and say; "Mommy, why are Bert and Ernie living in sin?  Shouldn't they be married before they go to bed and have sex?"

No. 

A small child is not going to think that.  What they are thinking - what I was thinking - is wow I want to have a sleep over with my best friend too.

What's the next thing these fools are going to petition to do? 

Add graphic illustrations of sex on Sesame Street? 

You know just so kids know that it's o.k. and all.

If you want Bert and Ernie to have sex, leave it in your own home in your own imagination. 

Leave it out of mine.

Kid's should learn about relationships and sex the same way I did.

Uncomfortable conversations with your parents (one when I was 9 that scared the shit out of me).  And romance novels.

And if you want to explore same sex relationships get the same sex romance novels. 

Actually, the same sex ones are pretty good too - I highly recommend them regardless of your sexual orientation!

They are HOT, HOT, HOT!

Don't read this unless you're a Republican who believes in a woman's right to choose...

I don't care that I don't know Obama personally.

I just want to say HA! I told you so, you are a very naive little man.

There is a reason why Gitmo is there...not so simple to get rid of it is it?

How did that dialogue with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad go?

Crazy fucker isn't he...can't really reason with him can ya?

I realize that not many American's have lived in the Middle East and do not have first hand experience with the mentality...

But shit don't you think it's a little naive, or dare I say egotistical, to believe you are the first person to think about TALKING sense with a dictator?!

"Talking" to Mahmoud about peace, civil rights, woman's rights, etc... is going to be like talking to Kim Jong il about nuclear disarmament.

Not really going to get anywhere with it.

A friend of mine sent me this article.

And oh did I enjoy it!

You know I didn't believe in everything Bush did - mostly his policies where he tried to bring religion into politics and women's rights.

I am a strong believer that religion has no business in government - i.e. Shari'a law. And it's a slippery slope when you start referring to religion in politics - next thing you know some crack pot gets into power and women lose their jobs and are forced to pop out babies because it's some asshole's interpretation of "God's will".

And let me tell you this NO ONE in this world has the right to make decisions regarding my body except for me. Especially when you have a penis.

If you don't want a woman aborting your child then keep your dick in your pants, or make sure you are using some damn good birth control, that you use and provide yourself, and ensure the woman you're with has the same belief system you do.

If you are having sex and leaving the birth control up to the woman then you are saying to her, "I'm leaving any procreation decisions up to you".

Because let's face it, it's the woman's body being jacked up when she's pregnant and that's the least of the things she's going to have to deal with. There may be some men out there who take a 50% responsibility for the kid, but the reality is the woman is stuck with the kid, and the care and feeding of said kid. And she usually has to work outside the home.

So if she doesn't want the kid, that's her choice. And if she doesn't want to carry the kid, which can be dangerous and quite frankly unpleasant for some, that's her choice.

No one else's. Especially the President's. Unless he want's to invite me into his home and take care of me and my child for the rest of our lives, he needs to stay the hell out of my life and let me live it how I want to live it.

But other than those things I pretty much agreed with Bush. I liked his foreign policy, his bad ass attitude when it came to our safety, and I like his policies on leaving my money in my pocket.

Capitalism. That is what America is built on not Socialism.

Obama you need to read up on Capitalism. In my opinion if you didn't try to "fix" the economy we would have recovered faster.

A free market self corrects.

It needs it - so let it - the market will be more efficient if you let it work like it's suppose to.

Yes, I am a Republican, and yes, I believe in a woman's right to choose, and I believe in same sex marriage.

Tan Tax, SoCo, and Fried Pickles

"I really don’t want to cheat, like seriously, I don’t want to.. but if you’re gonna hand me a bottle of friggin’ SoCo, something just comes over me, like I just go crazy."

"I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned."

"Eating fried pickles was a life changing experience."

"It hurts my vagina...no I like it..."

http://www.jerseyshorequotes.com/cast/snooki_quotes.htm

WHAT THE FUCK?!

This is the Jersey Shore? I had never seen this show before, I had heard of it because my husband makes fun of the commercials, but neither one of us had actually seen it.

So he gets Net Flicks free for a month and we're browsing through the TV shows and guess what we see...

The Jersey Shore.

So of course we decide to watch it.

And REALLY?! REALLY.

Is this for real?

"Snooki" actually said the quotes above. I saw the words come right out of her mouth.

Really I did.

And you know what? I didn't understand half of it - like SoCo?! And do you know what scares me?

My husband knew she was talking about Southern Comfort.

How in the HELL did he know that? I think he's secretly watching the show.

And I really don't know how I feel about that.

The last quote, the one where her vagina hurts and she kinda likes it?!?!?! Fried Pickles changed her life? And Obama is taxing tanning because he doesn't need a tan...

I can't believe this show...

It's like a train wreck I can't look away from...

Ohhh the next episode is on....

No, Crazy Doesn't Live Here Anymore!

Well, I got some results back from the Doctor on Friday.

Guess what?!

I have no vitamin D in my system.

The nurse told me that and I was like - How is THAT possible...

Well apparently you get down to a certain level and they consider it so low that it might as well be none.

And having no vitamin D can cause a myriad of problems.

Heart problems
Diabetes
Muscle fatigue (which is what I was feeling in my arms and legs)
Depression
Anxiety

Basically it covers everything I've been freaking out about.

Who knew that being such a freak about wearing sun block could back fire?!

I mean I just spent three years in the desert, and I have like NO VITAMIN D in my system.  You'd think I'd have at least 50% of what I need.

I guess I'm just too effective with regards to keeping the UV and UVB rays away from me.

Anyway the one thing the Vit D doesn't cover is me having a fit about my husband's medical issues.

But it has impeded my ability to handle it well, you know the extra anxiety basically translates into - OMG don't put that garlic bread in you mouth it's going to kill you!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAD A GRANOLA BAR WITH CHOCOLATE IN IT?!  ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME A WIDOW?!  I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE A WIDOW!  I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO BE A WIDOW!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO IF YOU'RE GONE????  I WON'T BE ABLE TO FUNCTION!  PUT DOWN THE FUCKING GRANOLA BAR!

Hmmm a little overboard do ya think?

Good thing he loves me so much, he looks at me and goes "Really Judith?, A granola bar is going to kill me?  You need to calm down, I'm not going anywhere".

I guess he's right - it's not like the doctor has put him on lock down in the hospital or something. 

So I'm going in tomorrow to get the down low on what to do next for the Vit D - hopefully just pop some pills.  Maybe she'll give me some to bring me down off the ledge...but then I don't think I'd be as fun...and what would my husband do then?  He's been with crazy town for 10 years - I think he likes me as is.

Anyway I like to do things as natural as I can, when I can.  After all I had a stroke 10 years ago and my stroke was attributed to Vioxx per my neurologist.  So to say that I have a bit of an aversion to taking any drugs is an understatement.
 
So I took a break this weekend from my neurotic application of sunscreen and I went outside without slathering copious amounts of sunscreen on my arms.

Yeah, that's right I only skipped my arms.  My face, neck, shoulders, etc... are just too sensitive to risk with the sunlight.

Lord you'd think I was a vampire!  Look out Bella...Edward is mine! 

Of course I wouldn't have a chance; I'm not an underage girl with the shape of a boy.  I don't think I've ever had the shape of a boy...

he he he!

I AM CRAZY TOWN....Shhhhh Don't Tell My Husband

Just in case he hasn't figured it out yet.

I mean we've only been married 8 years, 9 this May, and together 10 years this month.

It's possible he doesn't know yet.

We at least the extent of it.

Anyway - I've gone crazy because the past 7 months have been a roller coaster.

I lost Gabi.

We moved back to the US.

I had surgery.

Started a new job.

Was told that the tests back from surgery had "abnormal pathology".

Had to go to MD Anderson to get it checked out.

Found out everything was O.K.

Then I think life is getting back to normal when about 2 weeks ago....

My husband has a medical scare.

The doctor doesn't seem super concerned, but thinks it's serious, and in the middle of testing to figure out exactly what's going on so they can figure out what to do...

My husband goes out of town on business, with his doctor's permission, but still....

I'm now in freak-out mode.

Since he's been gone I've thought:

I'm having a heart attack...

My legs are going numb...

My arms are numb...alternating sides...

I can't breathe...

I feel sick to my stomach....

And I'm having morbid thoughts like;

What if I die and nobody knows for like, three or more days?! What's going to happen to Gracie and Cranky?!

I mean I'm totally freaking out about the animals being stuck in the house with a dead body and only access to water (the toilets...well at least they wouldn't die of thirst).

How traumatic for them, it was really distressing me.

So I, of course, call my husband - never mind it's like 4am in London.

And I ask him - how long would you wait until you called someone to check on me if you couldn't get ahold of me?

Like a day, two days?

He's like 10am.

I was like oh, O.K.

...So basically you'd only wait 3 hours past the time we usually talk to call someone...that's good.

That makes me feel TONS better.

Then I'm like, OMG!  NO ONE HAS A KEY TO OUR HOUSE!!! HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET IN TO SAVE ME?!

He's like, yeesss someone does, JR has a key to our house, he lives right down the street he'd be there in like 10 minutes to make sure you're O.K.

And he has medical training - so he can do first aid.

I'm like, oh.  OK.  Good.

Then he's like, what in the hell's got you thinking morbid thoughts like that?

I'm like, I don't know....  But I love and miss you.

So we hang up.

And about 5 minutes later he calls back.

He's like crap you got me thinking morbid thoughts now and I just wanted to tell you I love you and you're going to be fine.

I'm like oh great!  Now I've got you thinking I'm going to die with the animals in the house...

Wonderful.

That was about 3 days ago.

He's not back until Sunday and I'm still freaking out.

So I figured I'd write about it, maybe then I'd stop freaking out so much.

And it helps that Gracie is on my right and Cranky is on my left.

It's kind hard to freak when you're typing and petting your furbabies at the same time.

Thank God for my furbabies.

It's a good thing they don't judge.

Maybe I should have a drink - but that freaks me out too...

Go figure.

I'm going to sleep - now I have heart burn.

I think I've gone straight past Crazy Town and went right into the Looney Bin!